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Comment by Mike Melcher on May 30, 2012 at 5:10pm

Thanks for the reply, Russell. It has been the same for me. As I have been adjusting to the life of a dad and getting used to the responsibility that I have, things have been settling down. 

I really only seem to run in to the stomach problem when the lil guy is crying a heck of a lot more than normal. But other than that, things have normalized! Thanks for the reply and again, good to know there are others out there that have had the same feelings as me!

Comment by Russell Collins on May 26, 2012 at 9:05pm

Hey Mike, I've actually been doing pretty well since the hospital. I'm thinking it was just really that place that set me off, but since we've been home it's being going really well.

I've found that by focusing mostly on the now, and what I need to do for the kiddo in the near immediate future, I've been able to belay a lot of that freaking out. After all, staring at her as we play kind of makes all the troubles of the world disappear. But I'm very happy to know that I'm not the only one that completely freaks out. Thanks for the reply!

Comment by Mike Melcher on May 26, 2012 at 5:18pm

My son was born on May 19th and I have to say that I am facing the exact same feelings.

I have never suffered from anxiety before but the moment I saw my son come in to this world, I have had such a fear and worry that he will be ok, that I am doing the right thing and that I am doing what's best. The lack of sleep from the midnight feedings probably doesn't help much either. Plus the fact that I was the youngest in my family so I really don't have much experience around babies.

I am trying to avoid this fear as much as possible because I know that it actually hinders me from taking on my responsibilities. But it still seems to set in for me too, regardless of whether or not I think about it. I also go through the loss of appetite and queasiness, too, which seems to really worry my wife. 

I guess I just hope that I can come through on this and see my little guy grow up well.

Comment by Russell Collins on May 24, 2012 at 5:42pm

I have to say, it still brings a smile to my face to see people still commenting on this post. There aren't really too many opportunities to talk with other fathers in my area (only one dad group I've found) and so I am so glad I've found this community. And the fact that there are fathers from all walks of life and generations here makes it that much better. Thank you everyone who has commented, or at least read this.

Michel, thank you for your advice. It seems so foreign to think about her being old enough for school.. and defiantly strange to think of her as a parent and raising her own children, though those thoughts have crossed my mind. The wife and I are just trying to take it one day at a time and hope that our influences will be a positive one. Our only hope is that she grows to respect everyone, as well as herself. Thank you for your kind words.

Comment by Michel Bartolone on May 24, 2012 at 2:35pm

Almost a full generation removed from where you are. My second grandchild celebrated his first birthday on Tuesday. My older grandchild will celebrate her 8th birthday next week Friday. You never know enough with your own...listen to your parents (if you can), and let
them help you. My boys understand how the world works...my grand-daughter is teaching them.
Just about to finish 2nd grade but has mastered 4th grade reading and math.

Learn to be calm...you will never perceive yourself to be as good of a parent as
you want to be, that is for your child(ren) to determine.

Comment by Daniel Donahoo on May 9, 2012 at 9:47pm

Great to hear the routine is beginning to settle in Russell.

You will be fine. No doubt. We know you'll be fine because you wrote the blog post you did, and sought some advice and that is all your little geeklet needs - love and care and to be guided through Star wars Episodes 4 to 6 gently and maybe some food and other stuff...but you know what I am saying.

It is huge! It is also something millions before you have done. You will do it in your own unique and awesome way - full of mistakes and successes and moments of sublime amazement.

I've had one child ride his bike headfirst down the side of a dam and into the water when he was 4. We've had hands cut on class. And, I stress daily about whether they are in the right school, have good friendships, understand the importance of the fundamentals of physics (my kids are 10, 8 and 10 months). I think it is called parenting. Welcome :)

Comment by Russell Collins on May 8, 2012 at 4:43pm

Wow, thank you both for your great comments. Since I've made the post, I've been able to stabilize a bit and we are slowly starting to work on the "routine." It's still a little rough, but I'm able to handle myself a lot better now. And trying to focus on the present, as for right now that is, instead of everything else is helping immensely as well.

Thank you both again for your help. Sometimes just a little reassurance is all that's needed.

Comment by Dave Hale on May 8, 2012 at 2:08pm

Don't freak out that you're not doing everything like the "experts" say you should. Yes, some of them do know what they are talking about, some of them do not and sometimes even the ones that do know what they are talking about are wrong. Every child is different and what works for one will not work for another. Our oldest son (5yo now) had to be held all the time. He slept on my chest until I had to go to work, then I would slide him off onto the mattress next to my wife. Dr. Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" worked like a miracle with him. When our daughter was born, we tried his 5 S's but they would not help her. Finally, one night she was upset and not settling down. I finally told her "Fine, if your going to fuss whether I hold you or not, I'm just going to lay you down for a bit." As soon as I set her down, she stopped crying. The exact opposite of our son!

Comment by Jacob Turner on May 7, 2012 at 11:39pm

I would assure you that though you are diagnosed with social anxiety, what you are feeling is exactly what every father feels.  This insane responsibility of caring for a living being. 

A LIFE is actually in the balance with thousands of minor decisions you make.

Even when the kid miraculously survives everything you didn't know you were supposed to do/not do, then you have to accept that you mold this person into everything they will ever be.  Apparently you can mess up their relationship with their future spouse if you use the wrong tone of voice while they are asleep and you are at the neighbors!

(Do note the massive hyperbole is meant to help put you at ease by pointing out that you can stress over thousands of things, and easily blow them out of proportion.  Yes, the "Experts" warn us off of many things.  But always recall how many of those horrible things you lived through as a child at the same time).

Just hold your daughter in your arms.  Think of her as an extension of yourself, your wife, and all the dreams you ever had.  She is the best the world has to offer, and the best you can offer the world.  Absolutely nothing in the world matters at all except for her whenever you have her in your arms.  And when you do not, the world only exists as an obstacle to the next time you shall hold her, but also an inspiration for the many things you can share together.