Capitalism can be distilled through so many colloquialisms: “There’s a sucker born every minute,” “a fool and his money are soon parted,” etc. And sadly, every now and again, we all just make a stupid purchase. If we’re lucky, it’s only a loss of a few dollars; if we’re smart, it’s rare; and if we’re trying to look impressive online, we own up to it.

Yesterday, Megan and I visited Babies-R-Us for the first time, and while this was a bit of an overwhelming experience (big stores like this make me uneasy, but more on that later), she and I managed to scout out what would be on a registry.

One of the few purchases we made was a product called “Preggie Pops,” which supposedly reduce the impacts of morning sickness and are supposed to be healthy in some degree. In these first few weeks of pregnancy, “morning” sickness has been a persistent concern, and source of stress for both my wife and I; we have worked to do everything we can to reduce the effects thereof. So far, the best reductive impacts have been from gingery foods and simple starches, as well as Sea-bands, a wrist-worn acupressure band which was originally intended as a treatment for seasickness. While I certainly understand that every woman’s pregnancy is different,Sea-bands have earned my endorsement.

However, yesterday’s purchase of candies (I’m refusing to type the name again—does anyone else hate the term “preggie”?), upon the recommendation from a friend ended in a dual facepalm. I had thought that there was some kind of herbal addition that made it magic or something. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until we were getting out of the car, that Megan through to look at the ingredient list:

Dried cane syrup, corn syrup, citric acid, natural flavors and natural colors

Yup, you read that right— it is….. a lollipop. Just like the ones you get on Halloween. Notwithstanding that they’re re-branding “sugar” as “dried cane syrup” and the ever-mysterious “natural flavor,” this product is a sham.

And let’s not forget the legally-required language in fine print on the back of the package:

The statements contained herein have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Thank you for the snake oil.

This does touch onto a deeper problem with pregnancy in America— nearly all parents will do whatever it takes to best for the baby, and too many companies will see this as an opportunity to make money. The useless and purposeless products for prenatal life are endless (my favorite are the ones “guaranteed” to make your baby smarter—e.g., learning Mandarin or algebra or Mozart ), and far too exhaustive to list here.

Simply put, we took the bait on one; we were lucky to just lose only a few dollars (these are sold for $2.99 for seven candies). And too often, one must learn to avoid flame by being burned. So we exercise caution in the future.

Please, don’t buy these.

I’m still ticked that I lost $16