On Redefining What it Means to Be a Grown-Up

As a geek who loves video games, role-playing games, and LEGO, I’ve had the accusation thrown at me many times: “why, you never grew up, did you?” Usually it’s an affectionate taunt, but it still carries the cultural baggage of the idea that one must “put away childish things” to become a grown-up. I disagree. I think we’ve reached a place where the idea that when you become an adult, you’re not allowed to play anymore, is finally fading away.

We can all look back on the stereotypical families of times gone by, where the children played with their toys, and the adults had their hobbies or bridge games, and never the twain would meet. But then the video game consoles came along, and something changed. Sure, at first the consoles - the Ataris and Nintendos were still bought for the kids. But those kids (me included) got older and older, and the consoles kept getting better and better, and we kept on playing.


Maybe it has something to do with the rise of “geek culture,” wherein playing games - video, role-playing, or otherwise - has never had an upper age-limit. Maybe we spoiled Generation X-ers just decided that we weren’t going to go gently into that good night of adulthood; that if we were going to be forced to deal with mortgages and careers and families of our own, we were darn-well going to bring the things we loved with us on the ride. Or maybe the cultural zeitgeist just caught up with what we knew all along: playing and having fun is a vital part of a well-lived life, and should not be forgotten.

But the unintended result of all these grown-ups playing is something wonderful: we remain connected to our kids. We retain a connection to their culture, to their sensibilities, that in ages past was often lost. And I like to think, this brings us closer to them, and creates healthier families.

[This post originally ran at Play Report]

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Tags: IKEA, play

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Comment by Daniel Donahoo on March 13, 2012 at 10:34pm

Great post Ken - the importance of play is under-estimated.

People should check out the National Institute for Play. It's founder says:

“Play energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities.”

Dr Stuart Brown, MD (Director, National Institute of Play).

Comment by John Booth on March 13, 2012 at 9:24pm

There have been occasions when we're playing Rock Band with our friends, or when I'm out at D&D, that I realize that my parents didn't do things like this. Then I remember all the nights they had friends over to play cards or Scrabble or whatever, and I just kind of shrug and say, "Same difference. Roll for initiative."

Comment by Laura Keeney on December 19, 2009 at 4:40pm
"I think we’ve reached a place where the idea that when you become an adult, you’re not allowed to play anymore, is finally fading away...."

Fading, yes, but I don't think it's yet status quo. Play is more acceptable based both on our individual mindsets and with whom we surround ourselves. Of course we geek parents "get" it. Less concerned with being cool, we geeks have always been able to embrace the fun, offbeat and strange that life has to offer. Those of us who grew up a little nerdy or on the social outskirts had to develop a sense of self early on. As the popular crowd carried on with their drama, my band geek friendships and D&D club kin were solid as rocks. And play wasn't just something we "did"...it was a lifestyle. And as such, it became part of the fabric of who we grew into as adults.

This translates easily to parenthood. It's simply common knowledge amongst my geek parent peeps that weekends are spent with Legos, video games, robotics kits, science experiments and RC cars. Yet I know plenty of parents who wouldn't know how to build a block tower with their kids. I too hear all the time about my refusing to "grow up." My parents are amazed over the extent of the relationship my son and I share, as if we're circus freaks for playing together.

So it is because what we considered as kids to be geek culture has finally become more part of the norm? To the kids, sure, but I guarantee there are plenty of parents out there who are just glad their kids have something with which to occupy themselves. So while there are plenty of us rolling a d12 with our kids, many fellow parents may just continue to look at us like we're suffering from Peter Pan syndrome. I say let 'em. I'm too busy having fun with my kid to care.
Comment by Pierre Cadieux on November 25, 2009 at 1:05pm
It is great to have these built-in common games, common projects, etc. with your kids. Not always having a lot of time to spend with my kids I know I'd rather spend an hour working with them on building a LEGO project or playing a table-top game vs. watching a TV show or not playing with them.

I've given my boys the option of doing a project together or doing something separately, and almost every time they choose to do a project or play a game together.

It is important to maintain the creativity, sense of potential and wonder that we all had as kids, for me it gives me a sense of perspective in to how they look at the world and it's a nice to be able to apply this perspective.
Comment by Charlie Freund on November 25, 2009 at 12:48pm
I've always had a hard time with the word "immature" being a negative along those same lines. It is often applied by those who have lost their connection to the bliss of playing like an 8 year old.

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