Paternity Leave Diary: Week 1 - Meeting the Local Community

I'm taking 6 months away from my day job to look after my son, Archie, who is 6 months old.  I thought it might be interesting to share my experiences.

My first week in charge and I've set myself some targets.

  1. Get to known some people
  2. Get out and about each day
  3. Keep myself intellectually stimulated

This blog is part of #3, I should be able to manage #2 with a bit of will power but #1 could prove a challenge.  I'm quite a social being, and have always had a job which involved working with others.  The only times in my life that have ever got me down have been when I've not had regular social contact.  Obviously, being at home full time is a risk, so I knew I had to do something.

The challenge was how to find a social circle when the obvious support groups for parents of babies are female-oriented.  I'd already been to a health visiting clinic, where I felt a little bit uncomfortable as the only bloke and, despite the fact that I had gone through the ante-natal classes, I didn't feel as if I could meet up with my wife's ante natal-friends without changing the dynamic of their group.

Fortunately, if there's one thing the internet is great at is allowing people to find communities of people with the same interests and a quick Google lead me to a perfect solution - Dads and Little'uns, a playgroup for dads with babies and toddlers.  They meet twice a week and the Wimbledon group is close to where I live so I was definitely in luck.

So, on Monday morning I got Archie ready and headed over to their meet-up and I couldn't have been more warmly welcomed.  They're a mix of full and part-time dads (and a couple of mums) with pre-school kids.  The meeting hall is large, and there's a good amount of toys for the kids to play with.  There were around 20 dads at the meet up so I think that's a great foundation for my socializing in the next six months or more.

Later in the week, my planned cinema visit (the local cinema does a baby/toddler-friendly screening once a week) was curtailed by a poorly Archie.  A stomach bug took him out of action for a day, unfortunately.  He's only started weaning over the past few weeks so I imagine his immune system is having to cope with a lot more than it did.

Being a parent in the 21st century gives you access to all sorts of gadgets (very few of which I was aware of before becoming a dad).  One of our most well used is a smart 3-in-1 thermometer which uses infra-red to take temperature from within the ear (or from the forehead as an alternative).  Any sign of a sick baby and we can get a quick and accurate temperature measurement - a nicely designed, clever piece of kit.  In this case there was no fever, just some sickness and Archie was back to his normal self within a few hours.

The end of the week brought some walks through the local area and another visit to the dads' group.  I also spent a little bit of time playing about with comic book effects in Photoshop (one of my hobbies).  At the weekend I was back to sharing the duties with my wife and we had a nice Sunday lunch with some friends.

So, one week down and I'm feeling very positive.  It was great to meet some new people and get into the swing of things.

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Comment by Paul Brown on July 20, 2012 at 3:34am

I was fortunate that I got to take 2 weeks leave as well as the standard 2-week paternity leave around the birth so my wife and I were off work together for the first 4 weeks.  Assuming your wife wants to breast feed, that would put her in charge for the first few months (the WHO recommend breast feeding for the first 6 months, so bear than in mind).  

Also your employers might influence how you take the leave, depending on how they will be providing cover (my wife's employer brought in an external contractor whereas my employer is covering me within the existing headcount of the team I work in),

If your wife is off for several months then, if you can, take some vacation at regular intervals to support - an extra day of double cover every few weeks is very valuable.  I didn't plan that very well and ended up back-loading my vacation where my wife would probably have benefited from support earlier on.

Comment by Matt Middleton on July 19, 2012 at 8:48pm

Thanks for the suggestion Jacob!

Comment by Jacob Turner on July 19, 2012 at 6:25pm

Matt:  I would advise taking the first 6 weeks together, then split the remainder individually.  Probably giving her a few days back at work right at the 6 week mark, then having her stay home again for a month or so, with you taking the remainder.

The reason I say that, is the prenatal lessons we went through stressed the importance of watching for post-natal depression in the first 6 weeks, as well as taking it VERY easy.  But anyone can start to go a bit stir crazy, so having a couple days to go sort things out at work and assure yourself that they are NOT falling to pieces in your absence can help make the remaining month+ enjoyable instead of stressful.

Comment by Matt Middleton on July 17, 2012 at 8:58am

First off, congrats on your little guy!

In Canada, parental leave can be split between either parent, or even doubled-up on (ie. we can both take time, but use up the time we're given twice as fast).  My wife and I are still trying to figure out who will take what leave when the time comes, but I'm hoping to take some time myself.

Comment by Jacob Turner on July 16, 2012 at 8:29pm

Speaking of Gadgets:  Find yourself an Itzbeen, or similar device.  Absolutely priceless for learning the child's rhythm, as well as allowing smooth transition between caregivers.

For us, we always knew that if he was fussing, the first thing to try was the longest timer.  And most of the time it worked wonders.  Or if you are getting ready for an outing, you first take a gander at the food and diaper timers to see if a surprise is pending.  And of course when the kid gets sick and you are pounding Ibuprofen and Tylenol in alternation to keep fever at bay, you always know when it is time for a new dose.

My only complaint with the device was lack of a histogram type of mode/data-tracking.  I am sure there are some now which incorporate that, especially through smartphone apps.

Comment by Nathan Barry on July 16, 2012 at 4:27pm

You're very lucky to have found that Father and toddler group! When I was in your position five years ago, there were hardly any Dads about. At the groups I did attend it seemed like the majority of Mums were happy to sit around chatting and so I became the 'human climbing frame' very often, as I was the only adult playing with the kids!

(Apologies for the sweeping generalisation on the chatty mums, but that was my experience)

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